Archive for May, 2011

The Wilds of Chicago (My Epilogue)

So, I have been in America almost a week now. Sleep deprivation before and during my marathon 30 hours of travel have helped ensure that my jet-leg has been decidedly light. My flights went off without a hitch, and even the six hour layover in Moscow was made absolutely pleasant thanks to the company of an Austrian guitar player returning from India with a sitar. His name was Peter.

Folks, Chicago is largely as I remembered it, and I have taken great solace in that. My family is still the same: we make the same jokes, share the same banter, and also the same love.

Some things, though, have struck me. I was immediately bowled over when I walked into my childhood home on account of all the wood. Wood door frames, wood floors, wood paneling. Naryn was a mountainous, poor place, where wood came only at significant premiums. I also noticed how tidy everything was. Each picture on the wall and each rug on the floor was so fitted to its spot. Even messes were tucked into drawers and behind doors. All the furniture matched.

Our house also seemed palatial. There were just rooms upon rooms, enough to get lost in, or so it seemed. My mother’s magnificent gardening left me speechless, the yard already flush with colors; my piddling with root crops in Naryn paled instantly in comparison.

Folks, some friends of mine met me at home the day that I arrived, and others were more to come. I have noticed that while my home and family feel like safe zones while I readjust to things that I once knew so well, it is before my friends that I get nervous. I spent a day canoeing on the river with my best friend Matt, and we connected as if there had never been a separation. But when he invited me to a barbeque a few days later, I got nervous.

These were people I had known, but since then I have changed. Prior to attending, I made a series of comments planning my escape from the party, if it got too late. This is appropriate in Kyrgyzstan, where pressure to stay and relax can often stymie other plans. My friend Matt got a little quizzical and just said, “Carl, no one is going to force you to stay if you need to leave. Don’t worry.” When I arrived, I felt almost in a daze, unsure of how to talk with the group, unsure of how to approach people; it was no longer appropriate to seek out every male to shake his hand, and just ignore all of the women. There was no sheep to be slaughtered, and no table cloth on the ground to sit around. No one, even, to insist that I sit down and have some tea.

But there again, came Matt, among those who know me best. He asked his roommate to procure some beer I’d like, and then made me a plate grilled delectables, somehow knowing I was still uncomfortable. He made jokes, wondering if the absence of boiled sheep had left me longing.

And it was here, at this social gathering that I got the first inkling as to the effects of my letters. No one really asked where I’d been, or what I’d been up to. That was common knowledge. Some people used their familiarity with my life to tell me all about theirs, and I soaked it up with relish. Others displayed almost encyclopedic knowledge of my letters, and wanted to know about all the things I must have been leaving out.

Between my family, my home, my closet friends, and these weekly chronicles of my past adventures, it seems I have been gifted with a wide bridge with which to reenter the land of my birth.

Since then, I have attended the two events that dictated the terms of my return home: my older sister’s graduation from law school, and my young sister’s graduation from university. Of all things, it has been these ceremonies that have helped me process much of what seemed so foreign, and so extravagant while I was away.

The professors at graduation, dressed up in colorful wizard robes and funny hats left me feeling that the traditional costumes of the Kyrgyz aren’t really so crazy after all. The overly formal language involved with dispensing diplomas reminded me of all that Kyrgyz language I could never seem to understand. The dreary singing before my sister walked across the stage left me feeling that the average Kyrgyz, singing in groups at parties while out to dinner, are pretty solid vocalists after all. For all the perceived differences I found out there, the American commonalities seemed pretty overwhelming, when looked at with the right kind of eyes.

But more than any other feeling, folks, it has been like putting on glasses again, for the first time in much too long. Things here are just clearer to me than the had been in Sunny Naryn. I can understand (almost) everything that everyone says, regardless of accent or context. I know when it is appropriate to get out of bed, and when it is fine to express my opinion. My jokes translate. It feels like coming home; for that is exactly what it is.

And that is where I am today, relaxing in this palace. I am seeking work in the field of international development, or (perhaps?) writing. I wonder how my instance on doing those things from Chicago will affect my plans. These are the new challenges. No longer will people rain praise before me, simply for speaking their language. That fact that I am living among Chicagoans (with a native family!) will no longer be enough to grant me entrance into just about any room. Once again, I am just part of the scrum. And looking to make my mark here, now a small fish in a very big pond, will be, surely, my next adventure.

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Too Many Tears

On my last night in Naryn, I came back to my homestay house relatively early. I came in to finish packing my bags. My host family called me in for tea, and the distance was a little strange.
 
It was strangeness compounded on a strange “farewell” dinner we’d have the night before. My host family had cooked dumplings and invited over two women somehow related to them, women I’ve seen many times. We had dumplings and champagne, everyone took turns saying toasts to my parting, mostly wishing me well, and telling me to greet my family back home. I didn’t really feel like the center of attention, though: my host dad was engrossed in a war movie (it being WWII Victory Day, after all), and the kids were coming in and out, enjoying the nice weather. One of the women almost choked me up when she talked about how we had become like family, but when I looked over to find my host mom not paying attention and my host dad slamming down dumpling, the moment largely passed.
 
To be perfectly honest, I was a little worried that I’d really turn into a sobbing shell of a man right there at the dinner table, and so this total lack of ceremony was a bit of a relief, if a little anti-climactic. I received a couple of hats as gifts, being told that they were auspicious, and then the women left, needing to get on home. Then I excused myself from the table to start the packing process. It was all very matter of fact. But that was the night before I actually left.
 
On the actual night, things were even more awkward. When I got home they called me in for tea, and we finished off some of the left over dumplings from the night before. I took the opportunity to mention that I wouldn’t be spending the night at home, but needed to help my girlfriend pack, and would be doing that late into the night. The family kind of looked around at this news, but then just went on eating, so I got up from the table early, again to continue packing. Then I got distracted and set to mulching with some old Peace Corps papers, and spread the rest of our compost around the currants. My host family called me in for tea and grits a little later, and once again didn’t mention anything as I got up and retreated to my room.
 
Then, as I was taking down the maps and photos that have come to adorn my walls, my host dad popped in. We talked a little bit about some family news, and then drifted into which items to focus on packing first. It wasn’t long after we went down that road, though, that my host dad just said, “we can’t talk about this. I’ll start to cry,” and left the room. 
 
Then, as I finished getting the last of my belongings into their bags, my host mom drifted in. I took the opportunity to explain to her about some of the vitamins and various lotions that I’d be  leaving behind. With everything tied up, then, I pulled out a cryptic bureaucratic ritual I hadn’t had time yet to take care of: the form that said I’d paid my last rent check and would be leaving debt free. My host mom thought it was a little funny and said, “where do they ask if you’ve finished all your weeding?” Then, when my host dad swung by again, I told him I needed him to sign was witness. Then I dropped my final payment on the floor, since they won’t accept money from my hands after dark. My host just said, “I don’t even want this.”
 
Then, as the kids crowded around my door, my host dad stood up, and I realized what was behind all the awkwardness of the past days: everyone was really, really sad. My host dad almost melted before my eyes. He stood up, and I could see he’d already started crying. He pulled me in close, for the Kyrgyz style goodbye, where you shake hands and touch heads. But it wasn’t enough, and we fell into full embrace. Then he looked me in the eye, said he’d miss me, and we hugged again. Then, perhaps to be alone with his thoughts, or just his tears, he left the room and I didn’t see him again.
 
My host mom stood up next, and her face was a blotched with red. By this time I couldn’t keep myself from crying either. She pulled me in, and amidst the sadness their was no clear embrace, whether to do a kiss on a cheek, or just have a real hug. She cried when she pulled away, cheeks streaked with red, and moved aside for the girls. Aigerim, the 12 year old, cried without stop. I held her and patted her back. It wasn’t deep conversation or familial bond that she was going to miss. What we had shared was proximity, and the trust it had spawned. I told her not to cry, only knowing that to say, even though we were all crying together.
 
Kalima, the 14 year old, who is a little more mature, and a little more serious, stood further away, leaning against the edge of my door. She told me that there would be no hugs, but I wouldn’t have it, I couldn’t not. It was the first solid embrace that I was sharing with them, and with each hug we seemed to get sadder, becoming more aware of the grief.
 
Aijamal, still only 7, let me pick her up, though she didn’t like it. She kept clutching a toothache. And then it came time for Aidin, the three year old boy. He was my little buddy all winter. He’d help me crush eggshells in the frozen compost and shovel the snow. I had taught him how to play with my cell phone without sending blank text messages. On days when my host dad didn’t come home and Aidin wouldn’t leave the house, I would be the only other male that he’d see. At first, he didn’t seem to understand all my packed bags, the naked walls, or why everyone was crying. So I picked him up, let him sit on the crook of my arm, and just said, “Aidin, I’m going away. I won’t be coming home.” He didn’t reach in for a hug even say goodbye, just, in his toddler’s simplicity, muttered, “you’re leaving me all alone,” and then asked me to set him down.
 
Folks, I knew that my host family isn’t the emotional kind, so I had decided to set this moment for goodbyes. Had I spent that final night, we wouldn’t have been able to set a goodbye moment like this, lest it feel artificial, and then, as everyone left the next morning for work at their various times, it would have felt empty, wrong, absent of formal goodbye. But in this moment of weepy catharsis, things were almost harder. As I finally walked out to the door, no one was there, all still in my room, presumably in tears. My host mom offered my last words, fallen back on the safety of matronly tradition, “I’ll make you some small round bread for the road,” she said through tears, “pick it up with your luggage tomorrow. I won’t be here when you leave.” And with that, she stood by the door, facing away from me. After I put on my shoes and started to walk out, no one was left; just me, walking into the darkness. And with that, left alone, I really started to cry.
 
And that, was, by far and away more emotion packed into fewer minutes that I’d experienced thus far. We had lived together, worked together, come to trust each other, to exhibit the unspoken bonds of family. And, then as it became clear that I’d be going away, and changing those relationships we’d cultivated so slowly, the pain hit all at once.
 
But that was a couple of days ago, folks. Things are quite different now. I’ve been in Bishkek three days already. I’ve been running around, filling out forms, completing paperwork; I even saw my host grandmother, who is in Bishkek with a new grandchild. Officially now, as of one hour and nineteen minutes ago, I have finished my Peace Corps service. I have done what, over two years ago, I so dramatically set out to do. I have less than 6 days left in country now. I’ll be eating out and relaxing, experiencing Kyrgyzstan in all the magnificent danger than comes with being unemployed.
 
And that, folks, after this long email, marks the end of our journey together! Writing these letters has been a labor of love. In many ways, sitting down for weekly reflections has been very healthy for me. In others, when times were tough, I always seemed to have letters of encouragement coming back from you. Some of you responded frequently, others only every so often. Some of you pass these letters along to friends, others read them out loud to people you know. I am honored to have had such a supportive community in my life as you all, and even now, thinking that this relationship, long distance as it may be, brings me to tears.
 
So farewell. In truth, I do intend to write one more letter, from the wilds of Chicago: a post script, if you will. So, please, if you’ve been reading my letter all this while, but not saying hi, drop me a line. Let me know you’ve been reading. I’ll respond to every letter, as always.
 
So, lest I get too mushy, even via the impersonal world of electronic mail, I’ll just cut this off now. It’s been great folks. Thanks for the wonderful ride.

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Another Wooly Success

Well, my friends of these past two years, I am delighted to say that things came together better than I could have imagined.

So, the folks in last week were a family from Ohio. Back home, they run a mini mill that caters to the exotic fiber industry in America. Through a series of acts of God and other Divine revelations, they decided that they should pack up and move their family, and their mill, to the rural reaches of Kyrgyzstan. I met them last year on a fact finding mission, and organized their return trip last week.

Folks, it was magical. I introduced them to every reliable worker and relevant handicrafter that I’ve encountered over my past two years here. We had a strategic business session, saw a full fledged shyrdak workshop, and then went to the village that, God willing, they will move to within two years time. This year, the crew included mom, dad, and two kids: boys aged 11 and 12. I watched the boys light up at the plethora of local horses, and saw them connect with the local kids, sharing only the international language of play. Mom connected with other village mothers like a champ. At one point, we stopped by a woman who was milling her own wheat. The Ohio mother stopped in to ask why she was separating the wheat germ and gran from the rest of the flower, pointing out that this is where the greatest nutrient lay.

The Kyrgyz mother listened and then said, “if I do what you say, will my sons grow big like yours?” The point was a relevant one: sporting Levi’s that measured 36×30, her 12 year old son towered over nearly everyone else in the village, not hardly to mention the kids his own age. They were like walking advertisements for proper nutrition.

The father, himself a former linebacker, had a moment of his own. Last year, he had met a 70 year old farmer who had stolen his heart, by telling him that he’d love nothing more than to take some American boys under his wing, and teach them about the wilds of his homeland. This year, as we were touring a facility that might house the wool factory, this old man came down from the mountains, on horseback for the sole purpose of reconnecting with the Giant from Ohio. There were hugs and photos all around.

Since their dramatic coming and departure, we’ve really been wrapping up life here in Sunny Naryn. I went on my last hike in our magical hills, and am now delightfully sore, a feeling that I hope leaves me before I get on that plane. I’ve already had a series of going away dinners, and just last night, I cracked out the gift for my host family that I’ve been preparing for so long: a little laptop, packed with as much educational software as I can find.

As I opened the machine last night, my host dad asked first if it was a real computer, or just a gaming console. Then, however, regardless of my answer, his eyes opened wide when I fired up my pride and joy: the complete Rosetta Stone sweet. Every language in one program. All these months of Korean soap operas gave the girls a leg up on basic vocabulary, goofing around with Turkish was like meeting a long lost relative, and they’ve hardly been able to set the English portion down.

As I prepare to leave, I seem to be only concerned with the future. I have these dreams that one day I’ll come back here to find a flowering apple tree and a family with more modern knowledge in their collective minds than I could even imagine.

Now, as I enter the real final stretch, I will spend the weekend with my friends here, doling out our warming goodbyes to this place that has very much come to mean home.

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